


Burning Desire

by mycry2468



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Attraction, Confused Will Graham, Desire, Dinner, Dirty Thoughts, First Date, First Kiss, Hannibal Lecter - Freeform, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, POV Will Graham, Sexual Attraction, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:29:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26501413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mycry2468/pseuds/mycry2468
Summary: The story is set during the first season, after Hannibal sniffs Will. Will begins to have mixed feelings towards Dr. Lecter.
Relationships: Will Graham & Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, hannigram
Comments: 5
Kudos: 93





	1. The Storm

_It took an entire night to process what I’d done._  
_I didn’t know if I did it impulsively. Maybe something inside of me wanted it to happen. I didn’t even remember how it happened._  
_The only thing I remembered clearly was the euphoria I felt while I was doing it. I didn’t know if I really liked it._  
_I would have needed more time, or another attempt, to be sure._

When Hannibal sneaked up on me, I didn’t suspect anything. Then I realized. He was sniffing me. And not even indiscreetly because I had immediately discovered it.

Nobody had ever smelled me. The idea of someone sniffing me upset me. But at that moment, when Hannibal had done it, I would not have been able to describe what feeling had aroused me.

_“Did you just smell me?”_

Those words slipped out of my mouth.

_“Difficult to avoid. I really must introduce you to a finer aftershave. That smells like something with a ship on the bottle.”_

Was it really so bad? I asked myself.

_“Well, I keep getting it for Christmas.”_

I had responded to justify myself. I suddenly felt disoriented. Why was it difficult for him to avoid sniffing me? What made him come so close to me in the first place? Curiosity?

Was my aftershave so disgusting? Honestly, it upset me that he didn’t like my scent.

I didn't know how to explain it, but what he said overwhelmed me like a violent wave.

I had classified his smell as gently penetrating. He certainly used a first-rate aftershave. Unlike me, everything he used was classy and refined.

Even though I probably hadn't shown it, I couldn't concentrate on our conversation anymore.

At that moment I felt like bait stuck to the hook.

I left his office upset and I didn’t stop thinking about it the whole way home. Hannibal and I had not known each other for a very long time, but we had established a very strong bond. I was comforted to go to him. Our conversations were almost entirely focused on my work, but I liked talking to him. We exchanged opinions, reflections… looks.

Leaving his office was becoming difficult. It was as if I had the irrepressible need to stay. To talk to him again. To be in his presence. It was a new feeling for me, I usually wanted to be alone and avoid people as much as possible. If I was in a crowded room, I always felt the urge to run away. With Hannibal it was different.

That night I wanted to stay.

When I got home I was welcomed by my dogs and I began to prepare dinner for myself and for them. A storm had exploded outside and I could hear the rain tapping soundly on the windows. I served the food to my dogs and I sat at the table. Unfortunately, I was not hungry. I turned and turned my empty fork, deciding not to eat. My body was restless.

  
I should have stayed there and enjoyed the evening with my dogs. But that was not the case.

Despite the storm, I took the car keys and went out. I ventured to the city. Towards Hannibal’s house.

Throughout the journey, my mind was empty. I didn’t think of anything.

When I arrived at his door, I pressed my finger on the bell without measuring my strength. I waited.  
For a moment I had the idea of turning around and leaving before he got to the door. But he appeared on the threshold with a surprised look.

"Will. To what do I owe this surprise?" he asked, sketching a smile.

"Hello Dr. Lecter. May I come in?"

I realized I was shaking slightly. Was it so cold outside?

"Of course."

Hannibal left some free space so that I could enter. By now I had seen his house and I knew how to orient myself distinctly.  
Now that I was there, I didn’t know exactly what I came for.

"Let me get your coat. You’re all wet, Will. Here, let me take it."

Hannibal kindly handed me his handkerchief to dry my face. I didn’t even realize I got so wet by the time I reached his door.  
I brought it to my face and wiped the droplets of rain off my cheeks. For a moment I looked at his handkerchief. His initials were embroidered on the edge. The fabric smelled very good.

Thoughtful, I went to his dining room. He followed me without saying anything. He waited for me to stop by the table.

"Is everything okay, Will?"

No one called me Will the way he called me. He had his own way of saying my name.

I turned to him.

I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know if I was okay, or what was happening to me. Was I really here or was it just my imagination? Why did I brave the storm and drive to his house?

Deep down, I knew.

I quickly approached him without crossing his gaze. Without thinking, I pulled him towards me and pressed my lips against his with determination.  
His lips were soft, slightly moist. I could feel the taste of the super expensive wine he had just tasted.  
I didn't know exactly what I was doing, but my lips were attached like a magnet to his mouth. I closed my eyes and savored the taste of Hannibal's lips.  
After weeks and weeks of horrors and crime scenes, I was feeling something real, something that made me feel alive.

I was surprised that Hannibal didn’t try to get away from me. When I kissed him, I didn’t think that I would compromise our relationship. I hadn't thought about how to classify our relationship yet. Personally, I didn't see him as someone I consulted with and vented. Our relationship was beginning to be more like a friendship. A very particular friendship.  
Kissing him would definitely compromise everything.

As soon as I regained my clarity, I opened my eyes and detached myself from his lips.

Hannibal slowly opened his eyes and moistened his lips as if he wanted to savor my taste. He did not seem troubled by that sudden kiss. On the contrary.  
The one who was most upset was me.

"I’m.. I’m sorry." I said rushing to the front door.

_"Will!"_

I heard Hannibal calling me, but I didn’t turn around and I didn’t dare slow down. I quickly took my coat and left his house.

Outside, the storm had subsided.


	2. HL

While driving home I didn't even look at my cell phone once. I did not receive any calls from Hannibal. I thought it was better this way because I would not have known whether to answer and, above all, what to say if I had answered him.

When I got home I casually threw the car keys on my table and I was warmly welcomed by my dogs for the second time. I petted them affectionately and went to undress. After taking off my coat, I moved on to my sweater and finally to my pants. It was only then that I realized that I had put in my pocket the handkerchief that Hannibal had generously lent me to wipe my face. Seeing it reminded me of what I had done. Embarrassed, I placed it on my bedside table and changed to go to sleep.

Before going to bed I drank a glass of whiskey as was my habit. That evening, after what I had done, I could have had a second glass.

How could I look Hannibal in the eyes again? What was I supposed to tell him? Should I have apologized for what I had done?

I had to try to free my mind of these thoughts. The damage was done and I would have to consider what to do the next day.

I sat down on my bed. It seemed to me that my body weighed a ton. I finished drinking my whiskey and I led my hand to the bedside table to turn off the light. Again, I saw Hannibal's handkerchief.

Having it nearby made me feel very strange. I kept staring at it and felt attracted to that piece of cloth.

Instead of turning off the light, I reached out and took it. The fabric was tremendously soft and perfectly ironed. I pulled the handkerchief close to my nose and inhaled Hannibal's scent once more. It was intense and intoxicating. 

I don't know why I was sniffing it, but it was a totally spontaneous gesture.

I slowly caressed the initials sewn on the fabric. It was natural for me to wonder if he had his initials sewn on every garment and personal belonging. He was a very meticulous type and certainly did not neglect any detail. It wouldn't have surprised me if he had personalized things.

I was curious how I kept asking myself questions about him. I couldn't get him out of my head.

I would have liked to know if Hannibal was thinking of me at the time while he was in bed as I was thinking of him. I wondered if he was thinking of our shy kiss. The truth was that I was dying to know if he liked it or what sensation he had felt receiving that kiss.

It had certainly not been the best kiss he had ever received. It had been fleeting, shy and totally unexpected.

I didn't even know if it had been nice or not. It had been too short. I wish ...

I wish it had lasted longer. I would have liked to taste his lips. Feel his warm tongue penetrate my mouth. I wish I had the courage to bring our tongues together, to make them fight passionately.

I had never experienced certain feelings towards a man. 

I was almost shocked at the idea that these things could come to my mind. I felt so confused. How did I get to this point?  
I didn't stop thinking about me and him. What was happening to me?

I sniffed the scented cloth once more. It had his smell and it excited me. I brought the handkerchief to my mouth and instinctively bit the fabric. I wish Hannibal's lips were in place of the cloth. I would have bit those soft lips like I was biting that handkerchief. If I had made his lips bleed I would have sucked his blood as if it were a forbidden nectar. I wish I had made Hannibal vulnerable. In his composure he seemed unattainable and ethereal. Making him bleed would have been like making a divine bleed. It would have made him more deadly and would have made me more powerful.

Suddenly, I wanted to divulge all the things I was thinking of him. I would have liked to admit everything by looking him in the eye, just like when I confessed that I had liked to kill Garret Jacob Hobbs.

Yet, being alone at home, lying on my bed thinking about these things, was making me feel aroused.

I closed my eyes and lifted my pajama shirt. Shyly, I slipped the handkerchief over my bare chest. His handkerchief. I wanted to feel the cloth on my body. Somehow, it would have been like Hannibal discovered my skin.

I drew a path with Hannibal's handkerchief along my belly until I reached my groin. I stopped for a moment.

If only Hannibal had known.

But Hannibal would never have known. I would never have told him.

I went down with my hand until I reached my pubic hair. Feeling the soft material of the handkerchief in that area gave me a slight shiver. My pleasure zone throbbed.  
I rubbed the fabric in that area and bit my lip.

Undecided but not too much, I carried the handkerchief on my cock and began to rub it on my skin. The contact made me lose my breath. I was already terribly excited.  
I looked down. My cock was already hard.

I began to rub the handkerchief more firmly on my hard cock. I wet the fabric with my pre-come that I was already starting to release. I wondered what Hannibal would think of all this.

I felt like a sick person. I felt perverse. Hannibal cared a lot about his things and it was quite clear that he didn't want anyone to touch them, even less to usurp them as I was doing. I was violating something of his. I was taking it and this made me feel powerful.

Who knows how meticulous he had ironed that handkerchief and how he had carefully folded it before putting it in a drawer.

Now, his handkerchief was wrinkled and wet with my sperm.

I increased the speed of my hand movement. My pace was frantic, desperate.

The poor inanimate handkerchief followed the movements of my hand on my hard cock. If it had its own will, it would not have passively accepted this vile treatment. I usually masturbated in the shower, for convenience. If I do it while in bed, I don't violate other's objects to vent my sexual desires.  
Yet, that handkerchief had become the object of my desire or, better, the medium of my real desire which I was vulgarly making use of.

I continued to masturbate vehemently and panted. My breathing was uneven and I felt my cock throbbing hard. My body was quivering and I felt that my orgasm was close. I felt the need to come on the handkerchief, to wet it with my sperm, to leave a trace of me on it. It was such an irrational desire, so intimate that I could not control or even explain it. It made no sense. Everything I had done after the session with Hannibal made no sense.

My body was ready to let go, to spit its poison out. I deliberately placed the handkerchief on the tip of my cock. I closed my eyes and let myself go. Emitting a moan of pleasure, I ejaculated abundantly on Hannibal's handkerchief. My heart drummed in my chest.

Coming down from the euphoria, I continued to massage my cock to let out the last of my semen. Never before I have felt so lustful. I looked satisfied at the poor violated handkerchief and I felt a rush of excitement. Hannibal's handkerchief was all wet and sticky. Even if he had washed it twenty or thirty times, that handkerchief would no longer have been his handkerchief. It had been indelibly marked by me and from now on it would have kept something of mine, a part of me.

As soon as I recovered from orgasm, I pulled the handkerchief away from my now soft cock and moved it closer to look at it. The initials "H" and "L" had absorbed my liquid.  
I brought the handkerchief close to my nose and sniffed it again. Now the perfume was no longer the same, it was a mixture of its perfume and the smell of my sperm.

If there had been Hannibal's sperm on that handkerchief, at that moment I would have had the courage to put it in my mouth and suck it all. I would have liked to taste his more intimate flavor, just as I had briefly tasted his lips.

I wanted to cry. I was feeling a sense of privation that was unfamiliar to me. I felt lost and terribly guilty of something that even I could not control.

I tried to calm down and take deep breaths. Too many things had happened that day and I hadn't had time to absorb all the emotions. I had to accept the fact that I needed time to metabolize everything and understand what I really wanted.

Now I needed to sleep. I would think of Hannibal tomorrow. Thinking about it now would serve no purpose. Not in this tumultuous state I was in.

I decided to leave the handkerchief on the bedside table. Maybe out of laziness or maybe because I unconsciously wanted him to stay close to me to remind me of my infinite stupidity. Maybe even to exculpate me.

Slowly I reached for the light bulb and turned it off.

Tomorrow I would deal with everything. Tomorrow.


	3. Perverse

I was awakened by the loud barking of my dogs. Someone had knocked on the door. What time could it be?

I felt dizzy, confused. Either I slept too much or too little.

Idly, I replied "I'm coming" and I got out of my bed with inertia.

My dogs stood guard at the door and wagged their tails.

"Come on, guys, let me through." I said in a hoarse voice. The dogs backed away to let me pass. I had no idea who was behind the door, but I suspected it was Jack.  
Maybe last night I had turned off the phone without remembering it and he, unable to contact me, had come directly to my house. Just the idea of embarking on another trip to solve another murder case gave me a headache.

I opened the door listlessly, ready to find Jack in front of me with his typical annoyed expression on his face.

When I looked up, however, it wasn't Jack's face that I saw. I was petrified.

“Good morning Will. Were you sleeping? " It was Hannibal.

It was cold outside, but my cheeks suddenly turned red. I wondered if he would notice.

"Not anymore." I was able to say. I would probably have appeared grumpy, but my irritation masked the embarrassment I felt at that moment.

Hannibal kept a neutral expression.

"I'm sorry I took your sleep away."

The way he answered almost annoyed me. Why did he always have to use thoughtful and refined words? Wasn't it enough to say 'I'm sorry I woke you up'?

"It doesn't matter. I would have had to get up anyway." I lied.

"May I come in?"

I liked it when he got straight to the point. I was not yet aware of the nature of his visit. I suspected it had something to do with what had happened the night before, but perhaps Hannibal was so embarrassed that he would not have addressed the subject.

But why would he come here early in the morning? If there had been an emergency, he certainly wouldn't have started chatting and telling me bullshit about having stolen my sleep.

No, he must have come to talk to me about the kiss. My only hope was that he would dismiss the issue with a simple sentence and we would move on.  
I didn't answer and left the door open to let him in. My dogs took advantage and sneaked out the door to take a walk outside. Winston walked over to Hannibal to sniff his hand. Usually, he didn't do this with everyone.

"He likes you." I commented.

"I'm glad." He replied giving him a pat on the head.

Winston gladly accepted Hannibal’s caress and soon afterwards he joined his companions outside.

Now we were alone. Me and Hannibal.

"Do you want some coffee?" I asked, walking with a lazy manner towards my kitchen.

“No, Will. Thank you. I can help you, if you want me to."

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. I had to make the first move. I would certainly have an advantage.

"Can I offer you something else then?"

Only after I said it, I realized it sounded inappropriate to ask him that question. Or maybe I was thinking this because my mind was stuck on our kiss.

“No, thank you. May I sit?” he asked me.

I had forgotten about manners.

"Sure."

Hannibal smiled at me. His silence troubled me. I was so anxious that I nearly dropped the coffee machine on the floor. My movements were awkward and I hoped that Hannibal would not understand that his presence had this effect on me.

Hannibal let me make coffee without saying a word. He just watched me from his spot. Maybe he was waiting for me to have breakfast and have enough caffeine in my blood to deal with the issue he came for.

Lost in my thoughts, I almost filled the cup to the brim. I tried to look casual, as if it were my habit to fill my cup like this.

“Can I ask you why you came here? I guess it's not a courtesy visit."

I tried to stay calm, but my heart was beating so hard that I feared Hannibal might hear it from a distance. I sat on the opposite side of the table and placed the cup on the table trying not to let the contents overflow.

"Do we have to categorize it?"

I was blown away by the answer.

"No." I said blowing away the stream from the coffee. I began to sip it carefully.

“I came here because I was worried about you, Will. And for my handkerchief. "

I nearly spit my coffee out. The handkerchief.

“Your handkerchief? Are you more worried about me or about your handkerchief? "

I got a little laugh out of Hannibal. His smile emanated radiance.

"I'm sure my handkerchief is in good hands with you, Will." Hannibal said.

I swallowed hard. If only he had known what I had done to that poor handkerchief, which now lay on my bedside table soiled with my dried sperm. I hoped with all my heart that Hannibal didn't ask me to give it back or that he accidentally didn't see it on the bedside table. I had found that Hannibal was an excellent observer and that he never missed anything.

"I was wondering, rather, what made you want to come to me last night and kiss me."

Hannibal was staring at me, but I was unable to hold his gaze. I looked down at the cup.

"It was a mistake. I am deeply sorry for what happened. "

Was I really? Did I think it was just a mistake?

“Are you really? Or is it just a phrase of circumstance to rely on for convenience? "

Automatically I touched my lip with my finger. I hesitated for a moment.

"No." I was honest with him. Somehow, it was impossible for me to lie to him blatantly. In front of him, I had no defenses. There was only a slight veil that separated myself from him. Behind that veil, I was naked.

“I appreciate your honesty, Will. But I perceive an evident reluctance to openly address the subject. " He commented.

He understood me better than anyone else. This frightened me and at the same time I liked it. There was no room for error.

"You perceive correctly."

"I deduce that you don't feel ready to talk about it." He concluded.

"I'm not." I admitted.

“I would hate to push you to deal with something that makes you uncomfortable, but I think clarification in these circumstances is necessary. That's why I want you to take all day to think about it and then you come to my house for dinner. So we can talk about it openly. "

For the first time, I managed to look at him in the eye. The invitation seemed almost a trap, but Hannibal was giving me hours to prepare myself psychologically. Also, I couldn't run away from this thing forever. Sooner or later I had to face it.

Also I needed him to leave my house as soon as possible so I could go and wash his handkerchief.

"Good. Dinner it is. " I replied succinctly.

Hannibal smiled at me happily. I know he loved having dinner guests. I didn't mind going to him for dinner at all. The food was exquisite and the wine was of the highest quality. I had never been used to such refinement. The first time I had felt almost out of place, but Hannibal had always found a way to make me feel comfortable.

"Is eight ok for you?"

For the first time I smiled at him.

"Perfect."

He looked at me and waited before speaking again.

"So, there is nothing left to keep me here. I won’t trouble you anymore.”

Hannibal got up slowly and went towards the door. I felt compelled to get up and accompany him.

" _Hannibal!_ "

He stopped immediately at my call.

"Yes, Will?" he turned his head slightly.

"I .... just wanted to tell you it's not a disturbance."

He looked at me questioningly.

“It is not a disturbance that you came here. I was pleased with your visit. Thanks for coming to see how I was. "

I felt I needed to tell him. I didn't want to let him go by making him believe that his presence had been unwelcome. To tell the whole truth, his presence was the only good thing that had happened to me in the last difficult period of my life. And he didn't know this.

"Thanks Will." He just told me before opening the door.

“About the handkerchief… I don't want you to feel obligated to return it to me. You can keep it. It would be a pleasure for me to give it to you. "

My body stiffened suddenly.

“Thanks but… it's not needed, really. You were kind enough to lend it to me, but it's yours and I want to return it.”

I didn't know exactly what to tell him without being offensive. I wanted to get rid of that handkerchief as soon as possible because it was real proof that I had a disturbed perversion of some kind towards Hannibal. If it stayed in my house, I probably would use it to masturbate again. If I was already considering this option, it meant that it was not something to be ruled out.

"Okay, Will. See you tonight."

Fortunately, Hannibal did not insist.

"See you tonight."

I waited for Hannibal to go outside and leave my property with his car, then I sighed and finally relaxed my body.


	4. The Handkerchief

The most important thing for me to do before going to dinner at Hannibal's was to wash off the incriminating evidence.

When I picked up the handkerchief, I didn't think I was touching the same fabric as the night before. The semen had dried. The handkerchief was wrinkled and no longer perfumed. It smelled of shame.

The more I looked at it, the more I wondered if it was really me who had reduced the poor handkerchief like this.

Yet, something inside me made me not feel sorry. I didn't have to feel guilty about what I had done or what I had thought as my hard cock rubbed against that cloth.

The handkerchief remained to dry for several hours. I got ready for dinner well in advance and put on my best shirt. It was salmon colored. I didn't actually know if it was really the best, but I liked it most of all because it was comfortable.

I struggled with my curls and combed my hair as best I could. I didn't know why I was trying to look after every aspect of my body. Maybe I was still disappointed about the fact that Hannibal didn't like my aftershave.

I wanted to use another aftershave for dinner, but unfortunately that bottle was the only one I had.

I tried to use a little of it, under the illusion that he would not perceived it.

As soon as I was ready, I started ironing Hannibal's handkerchief. I wasn't very good at ironing, but I would never return to Hannibal his handkerchief all crumbled. It was better to give him a badly ironed handkerchief. At least I would have given him proof that I had tried.

When I finished ironing, I folded it and looked at it. That handkerchief was a bit like me: messily prepared. It wasn't as scented as when Hannibal gave it to me. I wasn't as perfumed as I wanted either. In my head now I perceived only an illusion of poor aftershave.

I had prepared myself for dinner as best I could, just as I had prepared his handkerchief. I was not up to it. The only time I felt up to that man was the night before. In fact, it was my cock that felt that way.

At the very thought of my cock on his handkerchief I almost had an erection. There couldn't be a worse time to have one. I didn't want to be late for dinner.

I put my hand on my crotch and applied some pressure. I could have pulled my pants down and done something about it, but I was in too much of a hurry.  
I said goodbye to my dogs and locked the door. As I walked to my car I just thought about keeping that damn handkerchief safe.

When I started the engine and left, I regretted not having masturbated before leaving. During the day I had accumulated too much anxiety and had not discharged it. If I had masturbated, I would have gone to Hannibal's house more relaxed.

After parking I got out of the car and closed the door. It was cold outside, but it was a starry night without a cloud in the sky. Hannibal's house was illuminated. As I approached the door, I imagined him taking care of the final preparations for the dinner and carefully choosing the wine to serve for the courses.

It was exactly twelve seconds before Hannibal came to open the door after I rang the bell. I counted them. If I could, I would have counted his steps too, but the door was too thick to hear them.

Now that I thought about it, I'd never heard him make noise with his shoes. Not even in his office. His way of walking was always graceful and light, like a dance.

“Good evening Will. Please come in. " He greeted me with a pleased smile.

His way of welcoming a guest was certainly more elegant than mine. I felt a deep guilt for having welcomed him so badly in my house that morning. It seemed like it had been days since he came to see me, but only twelve hours had passed.

"Thank you."

I tried to clean my shoes before entering.

Hannibal came over to help me take off my coat. His fingers touched my neck for a second and I felt a shiver that ran through my entire body. It was as if I suddenly caught fire.

For a moment I wanted to run away. My body and mind struggled between the desire to stay and the desire to leave.

Gently, Hannibal went to put my coat on the hanger. He probably hadn't noticed the effect his fingers had had on my skin. I was pervaded by a sense of euphoria and pleasure in seeing him touch something that belonged to me. I wondered if he tried to smell my scent and if he liked it.

Hannibal led me to the dining room. I stayed as close as possible and discreetly smelled his perfume without holding back. I needed to memorize it in my mind.  
The house smelled very good and I could also smell what came from the kitchen. I was starting to feel hungry.

Hannibal had me sit at the table and disappeared into the kitchen. The lights in the room were almost dim. The atmosphere was relaxing and vaguely romantic. I didn't want to use that adjective, but it was the first thing I thought about. Maybe when he had prepared the room he hadn't thought about making the dinner romantic. Why should he?

Hannibal returned with a platter of fish. Obviously he had garnished it with elaborate decorations as he usually does. I was wondering how he thought about the arrangement of all those elements on the plate. He had to have a natural talent for such a thing. Hannibal was definitely an aesthete, he loved beauty and everything he did made him beautiful.

In my mind I wondered if even under his expensive clothes he was beautiful. I wanted to know if his cock was also aesthetically beautiful. Or if his balls were beautiful. Did he shave his private parts? Was he circumcised?

I shouldn't have asked myself these inconvenient questions while I was sitting at his home, at his table. I was aware of it, but I couldn't stop this flow of thoughts. I would have liked to see him naked. It was so strange to me because I had never wanted to see a naked man before.

While he was serving me the fish he introduced me to the name of the dish and the side dish with which it was served. I was so thrilled by his closeness that I didn’t record anything he said to me.

We began to taste the dish. I did not keep him waiting and immediately congratulated him. I've never actually eaten such good fish. Even if I had wanted to, I would never have been able to replicate it.

Hannibal was sitting on the opposite end of the table and smugly savoring his work while sipping his glass of wine from time to time. He had found an excellent match with that too because it was the perfect pairing with the delicate taste of fish.

While we were eating, I watched him elegantly open his mouth and welcome the bite. That mouth had welcomed me too only a day earlier. I hadn't even touched his tongue and was beginning to regret it. I wanted to explore his mouth better, to feel if his tongue was rough or smooth. I had recorded very little of that kiss I gave him. Now I found myself envying that fish that ended up in his mouth, mixed with his saliva and turned to pulp by his teeth.

"Something wrong, Will?"

I returned to planet earth and realized that I was holding the fork with the bite ready.

“No, no. Absolutely nothing. " I lied without restraint. His eyes were fixed on me. They scrutinized me. They wanted to communicate something to me. I was afraid. Fear of being discovered. Afraid that he would read me as only he could.

Did he realize that I was thinking obsessively about him? What would he think of me if he knew I wanted to be that dead fish that ended up in his mouth?

I smiled at him and concentrated on staring at my plate and eating. I didn't have to allow myself any other distractions.

"I'm going to the kitchen. I'll be serving dessert soon. I hope you will like it. " Hannibal said as he rose elegantly from the table.

I stood motionless as he took my plate to the kitchen with his. He disappeared into the corridor.

The table without him was just a table set with eaten food. I could hear the tinkling of the spoons from a distance.

We had eaten our dinner but still Hannibal hadn't induced me to talk about our kiss. Maybe he wanted us to enjoy dinner first. Maybe he wanted me satisfied before addressing that topic.

What he didn't know was that I would feel much more satisfied if he tasted me the way he tasted that fish. I would voluntarily lay down on his table and lay my head on the tray along with the decorative elements he had placed. Taste me how you tasted that fish, I would have told him.

_But would he have wanted to taste me?_

My thoughts were interrupted by his arrival in the room.

He presented me with the dessert which apparently looked like a simple mousse but in reality it had undergone some variations in the preparation phase. At least that's how I understood.

I thanked him and began to eat it. I was not fond of sweets, but his were delicious and not too sweet. This also had a very good sugar balance.

We ate in silence. The wait was killing me. I wanted to talk about the kiss, but I didn't want to.

When we finished eating, I offered to take the dishes to the kitchen with him. He accepted my offer.

I took my plate and followed him into the kitchen. Even though he had cooked, everything was in order.

"Thanks Will." He said taking the plate from my hand.

"You are welcome."

We looked into each other's eyes, then he turned and walked over to the sink.

"By the way ... I wanted to return your handkerchief."

Carefully I pulled it out of my pocket. Luckily it was still folded and not crumpled.

Hannibal turned and walked slowly towards me.

When we were only one step away from each other, I handed him the handkerchief and he took it gently.

"Nice of you to return it washed and ironed." He said to me in a low, deep voice.

Then something happened that I never expected.

Hannibal brought the handkerchief to his face, closed his eyes and sniffed it.

At that moment I wanted to get away, but it was as if my feet were cemented to the floor. I held my breath.

Hannibal had a very good sense of smell, but would he be able to perceive the trace of my sperm on his handkerchief despite having washed it? No, it was impossible.  
Hannibal opened his eyes. Our eyes met and he tried to make eye contact with me. I blushed violently.

He had felt it. I could read it from his eyes. He had never looked at me the way he was looking at me now. His pupils were dilated and I felt his eyes penetrate me. I wish he'd looked at me this way earlier.

"Hannibal, I ...."

I tried to think and come up with a justification, but what could I have told him? How could I have justified such disrespect? I had committed an unforgivable vulgarity. He was probably disgusted by me.

I was about to say something when suddenly everything fell into darkness.


	5. Lights Off

_When everything went dark I was filled with a feeling of relief. I wanted the darkness to take me away to a distant place. In that darkness I saw a shape of a creature with deer horns. I had never seen anything like it, but I was not frightened. I almost felt attracted to this mysterious creature which belonged to that darkness. I felt a warmth in the air that made me feel safe, as if it were tangible. Take me, Darkness, I'm here._

"Apparently the lights are out." Hannibal's voice sounded even closer now. Perhaps we had approached each other when the house fell into darkness.

"I don't think you forgot to pay your last bill. Did you, Doctor?" I said with an ironic tone. Hannibal was smiling in the dark. I didn't see it, but I was sure he was.

“No, Will, I haven't forgotten. I assume there is a blackout in the area. Don't worry, I have several candles. "

"Ah ..." I was unable to process a thought or an answer because I was overwhelmed by his amazing scent. Now, there was nothing to divide us. Voluntarily I leaned forward for confirmation.

When my body touched Hannibal's, I felt a pressing excitement inside me. I felt the classic feeling of butterflies in my stomach accompanied by a slight sense of nausea.

  
However, he did nothing.

"Wait for me here, I'll be right back." He said reassuringly.

"You know I wouldn't go anywhere else."

Perhaps it sounded a bit enigmatic in response. I didn't even know what I meant, maybe not knowing his house well I wouldn't have been able to move easily in the dark. Maybe I meant that.

“Of course you would. You could leave like the other night. "

I did not have the courage to answer him and remained motionless. His body pulled away from mine and I felt him quietly walk away.

I noticed that I was shaking slightly.

"Will?"

Hannibal was coming back to me. Repeat my name please, I wanted to tell him.

"Yes?"

“I lit a couple of candles in the dining room. Follow me."

I looked around but saw only darkness. I suddenly didn't know how to orient myself in that room and didn't know which direction to take. I couldn't even figure out where Hannibal was, but he must have been close enough to me because the air was moving around me.

Unexpectedly, I felt his hand grabbing mine. I shuddered and gasped for oxygen.

"Come with me"

Hannibal's voice was reassuring and calm. I felt safe. He could have accidentally pushed me against a furniture or against the wall, but at that moment I trusted him blindly and maybe deep down I wished he would really press me against the wall.

I grabbed his hand and let myself be guided into the darkness like a lost child.

While he accompanied me to the room, I wished that the light would never return and that he and I would remain enveloped in that darkness.  
Hannibal stopped and I imitated him. His hand left mine. I heard the sound of a lighter firing the spark.

  
And then, in front of me, Hannibal's face lit up with the candlelight, illuminating only a few features of his face.

Shrouded in darkness, his face was even more fascinating, as if he was part of the fight of darkness and light. I wondered which side he would choose.

"Don't be afraid, Will." He told me.

"I'm not afraid."

Hannibal lit two more candles and placed them on the table next to us.

“Of course you are afraid. You don't need to pretend with me. You were afraid from the first moment you arrived. "

"And did you smell the fear on me?" He would know that I was referring to the last time he smelled me at his office.

"Among other things."

"What would they be?"

My question almost sounded like a provocation. Maybe it was.

Hannibal looked at me seriously and came dangerously close to me. We were once again facing each other and not even a step separated us. His eyes sought mine.

  
For once, I didn't try to look down and looked at him. My throat felt suddenly dry. I was afraid to breathe and make him sense that I was nervous.

“Frustration and insecurity. I would also add excitement, if I were inclined.”

Luckily, there was not enough light because Hannibal would have noticed that my cheeks had turned red. Maybe I had drunk too much wine.

"And what would your diagnosis be, Doctor?" I used a seductive tone spontaneously.

Hannibal's eyes lit up.

“Maybe you should start dealing with what is bothering you in your thoughts. I have to admit Will, I was pleasantly surprised by what you did. "

"And what did I do?"

I knew what.

“I already had a vague suspicion, but I had to smell my handkerchief to make sure. You used my handkerchief to masturbate, didn't you? " his gaze was piercing.

I stood still and swallowed. So he knew.

"Yes." I admitted.

"I know what you want to say. Don’t."

I looked at him confusedly.

"Don't say what?"

Hannibal gently took my hand and caressed the back. His touch was delicate and pleasant. No one had ever touched me like this before.

"Don't say you're sorry, because it's not true."

Then it became clear to me that I didn’t need to with him. Hannibal understood everything. He knew me better than I knew myself.

"I will not do that." I promised him.

"Good. I want to help you bring out everything you can't bring out, Will. I want you to see how magnificent and majestic you are. I want you to see what I see in you. You have potential that you don't even know you have. "

His words confused me and at the same time enriched my soul. I had never received compliments in my life. No one who had ever spoken the way Hannibal was speaking to me.

"And how would you help me?"

“Any way you want. Tell me, Will, what desire poisons your mind? "

I already had an answer.

" _You_."

Hannibal looked at me and for a moment stopped caressing my hand.

"You have to be more precise than that."

"I can't stop thinking about you and that scares me."

"Did you masturbate with my handkerchief thinking about me?"

In his voice I could hear a veiled excitement. But maybe I was wrong.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you want to keep the handkerchief when I offered it to you?"

I hesitated.

“Because… because I was afraid to do what I had done the night before again. I thought washing it would clean my guilt and it would all end by returning it to you. I actually wanted to keep it because I wanted to own something of yours. I didn't expect you would find it out. "

I was almost breathless.

"I have a good sense of smell."

"Why did you wait all evening to talk about this?"

"Because I was curious to see if you would do it first."

I had spent the entire dinner waiting for his move, when he was waiting for me to do it. In the end, Hannibal had played with me.

"So you don't mind that I used your handkerchief to masturbate?"

"No, Will."

"Why not?" I pressed him and leaned my face closer to his. Hannibal stood motionless in front of me. Maybe he was studying his next move.

"Do you really want to know?"

Did he want to whet my appetite? Or maybe he was trying to disguise his shyness.

"Yes please." I said in a low voice.

“Because I like you, Will. Under normal circumstances I would have considered it inconceivably vulgar. But not with you. You are different to me."

When Hannibal told me he liked me, I had the feeling that my heart stopped. I felt excitement and fear at the same time. I've never felt like this in my entire life. I didn't know how to react to his declaration. I imagined it wasn't easy to admit it, but he did it because he wanted to be honest with me. I had to pay off his courage and make my first move.

"Can I kiss you?" I was spontaneous to ask him.

In the end it was what I wanted to do all evening. This time, however, I would not take him by surprise. I would ask for his permission.

Hannibal smiled at me.

"Yes, Will."

I came closer and made my lips adhere to his. This time I wanted to explore Hannibal’s mouth. I needed to know if I really liked it and if it was what I really wanted.

  
I had no idea if Hannibal had ever kissed a man or had gay sexual experiences in the past, but when I kissed him he didn't impose himself. He let me massage his lips and then he began to kiss me back. His lips were soft and warm. They followed my movements. It was as if we were dancing in synchronism.

As I kissed him, I placed my hand on his arm and brought him closer to me. I wanted to feel his body against me. I wanted our bodies to merge with each other.  
Gently, I made him open his mouth and slipped in my tongue. The excitement was growing on me. Hannibal made his tongue meet mine and we began to explore each other hungrily.

I couldn't believe that Doctor Lecter and I were sharing a moment of such intimacy at his home, away from prying eyes. No one knew what we were doing: Alana, Jack, all the people close to us were unaware that we were clinging to each other, that we were eagerly tasting each other’s lips as if there were no tomorrow. I wondered how they would react if they saw us now. Two men, who not until long ago were strangers, embraced and enslaved by their passion.

For the first time in a long time, I felt happy and safe. It seemed to me almost impossible that kissing another person could make me feel such an emotion, which did not only have to do with physical and mental excitement. It was much more than that. It was as if I had found my place in the universe, as if I were following a compass and heading in the right direction.

I felt like a child discovering the world for the first time. I was seeing everything from a new perspective: my horizons were broadening and I was pervaded by a new awareness. I craved him as I had never craved anything else. I wanted to be his as much as I wanted him to be mine.

I didn't know him enough to know if he was in a relationship with someone or if he had a lover. My instinct told me no. Maybe, just maybe, I could be his lover. I wanted to be his lover. I wanted to be his compass, his lightness and darkness. I wanted us to be together.

" _Will..._ " Hannibal gasped as we kissed.

I sank my tongue into his mouth. I squeezed his arm and made our bodies fit closer. Hannibal placed his hand on my back and stroked me softly, but confidently. I sensed that he too liked what we were doing and wanted me, but at the same time he seemed a lot more thoughtful than I was.

As I kissed him passionately, I opened my eyes slightly. It was even more beautiful to watch him kiss me. His face was relaxed and his features loose. Perhaps he had longed for our mouths to meet and for us to savor each other's saliva just like I did.

Now we were both at peace.

I would have liked this kiss to go on indefinitely and our tongues to continue to dance relentlessly until I had no more oxygen left in my body. Because he was my oxygen. I knew that Hannibal was thinking the same thing because otherwise he would have already detached himself from me. I also knew that this was just the beginning of something bigger, because now that I had a little taste of him, I wanted much more.

**Author's Note:**

> Since English is not my first language (I’m Italian), I want to thank pisces714 for proofreading my work.  
> I will update my fanfic every 2-3 days.


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